My youngest daughter is home for spring break and chose last night to select her classes for next semester. Being the type of father I am I gladly offered my advice, and of course I know nothing of “Theatre” or the classes that would benefit her desire to perform on stage. I am the guy with a one hour credit in “Slide Rule” on my college transcript. That is one skill I have not used since the final exam. 18 weeks 1 hour per week plus a little home work, that’s a few hours of my life wasted for an easy A.
This week my 93 year old grandmother is in the hospital and decisions are being made about her future and the level of care that she will need. I know there are many who face much dire situations than ours, but bear with me as I ponder some things I need to learn:
I learned in speech class how to speak before audiences large and small. I can deliver an impromptu speech both easily and effectively. But, why am I speechless at the table with grandma? How do you carry on a conversation with a woman suffering from some dementia: that believes its 1978, Grandpa should be coming home, and she swears she has lost her purse? I told her mom had her purse, 1978 was a good year, and wished to see grandpa again myself.
I liked science and was a pretty good student. I learned about force, friction, mass, and leverage. In gym class I was taught to build muscle. I can toss a bale of hay in the back of a pickup; 100 lbs bag of potatoes is really no issue, so why is moving my 98 lb grandmother from her wheel chair to her bed or back such a struggle for me?
In elementary school I learned grace and politeness, we even learned to square dance. (another unused skill) I have dined with senators, but what do good table manners look like now? How do you feed an elderly person who has to use both hands to lift a fork to her mouth? I want to show her respect and honor not humiliation. Do you offer to cut her food? Do you feed her like a toddler? I placed food on her fork when she wasn’t looking and positioned her straw for her coke within easy reach.
In math I learned about prime numbers, fractions, and factoring. I loved word problems. Here is one. In the hospital room there are 4 adults: One is 93, one is 74, one is 73, and one is 54. Who should be caring for whom? I watch mom and dad, who have their own health concerns and wonder.
My family taught me: to reach for the stars, to go far, be all you can be. I learned in Geography how to read a map. Now the GPS on my phone tells me I live far away and my family is disbursed across the US. How do you help and live far away, with a career, house, and family?
I realize as I watch those around me I know very little of what is important … I need a book, you know those yellow covers with black block letter titles “Caring for the Elderly for Dummies”… I bet we face these questions again in the future and I plan to be ready.
But hey, at least I have an “A” in “Slide Rule”
David Gaddis
